The Submissive Wife

I’m not sure where this story came from but I heard it as a boy and I have never forgotten it. It’s a story told about a man who needed to fix the roof on his house. It needed new shakes.

Now his house had a very steep roof, a man could in no way just stand up on this roof, he would need some assistance of some kind. He put it off as long as he could, but the little lady kept after him, finally one day early in the morning he decided to fix it, and have it ready for winter, while at the same time pleasing the little woman.

He decided that his assistant would be his trusty old lariat and the bumper of the old Model T
Car. With a couple twirls of the rope he proceeded to throw the rope easily over the peak of the house, tying the end still in his hands to the bumper of the car. Then climbing to the peak of his house he tied the other end around his waist. Now he was safe and secure.

Then, with shake in one hand and hammer and nail in the other he began his days work. He was so pleased with himself, for by the noon hour, he was almost finished the near side of the roof, after lunch he would have to move the old car back over into the driveway so he could then do the far side next to the bush. As he was coming down for lunch he noticed that he was almost out of nails. But then, hunger over took him as he smelled the wonderful food cooking indoors, he forgot all about more nails. He headed straight to wash up and then straight to the table, he was a hungering.

Not remembering again until he had gotten back up on the roof and had secured himself and started nailing away once again and then he remembered, "Man I need more nails." Not wanting to climb all the way down again, he moved over the roof to the chimney and cupping his hands together, he yelled down the chimney. “Dear, could you run down to the hardware store and grab another couple pounds of 3/4 inch coated nails for me, I want to get this done today and it sure would save me a lot of time if you could do that for me."

The little lady, being the submissive wife that she was, said, “Sure honey, I’ll go as soon as I finish the dishes!" Five minutes later as she was leaving to get the nails, she hollered up at him, “I’ll be back as quick as I can dear." With that she jumped into the old Model T.

As she started the noisy old car up, she never heard her startled husbands' cry as she drove away. As he crested the peak of the house he gave one last desperate yell, but to no avail. He was dragged kicking and screaming all the way to the edge. Then before she shifted gears into second gear he managed to jump or lung off over the edge by the help of the rope and the car, which was now picking up speed. Well, he managed to land on his feet and managed to stay on them for a little way, but his wife now gaining momentum, he lost his footing and down he went, as he was pulled down the driveway kicking and screaming all the way.

The little lady, with her mind set on the task at hand and the urgency of it was not looking back. Therefore never saw hubby lose his feet and that he had started to be a real drag at this point. About four blocks along her way she happened to look into her rear view mirror and couldn’t believe her eyes, what was her husband doing, being a tag along, then she realized he had no other choice.

Quickly stopping she ran back to where her husband lay badly browsed and bleeding with a number of broken bones and many lacerations on his face and body, not to say anything about major road burn. She untied him and helped him into the back seat of the model T, she then drove him to the hospital, where he would spend the next two weeks.

While he was in there, she had to finish the roof, also she had remembered what he had said about getting the house painted on the inside and out before winter as well. So she decided to surprise him and get that all done while he was away. So she set to work, for the next week and a half she was like a busy little beaver, painting all day long, cleaning the brushes out and then dumping the clean up down the outhouse hole. This went on day after day. It was oil base paint I might add. She had done a wonderful job and she was very proud of herself. She had it all done with a couple days to spare so that the fumes would be all gone by the time her hubby got home from the hospital.

On the day she left to go and get her husband, the fumes were almost gone, the house and yard were in great shape and everything was set. Oh, he would be so pleased with her. She was right, he was so happy, he loved her so much, there would be new rule in their house from this day forward, he said, "From now on there will be no more smoking in the house, we want to keep it smelling nice and new as long as we can."

So that evening after he was settled back in his room, and was ready for night, he went out to make a pit stop before going to bed, and to have his evening fix. Entering the outhouse, he parked on the throne as he had always done, pulled out a stoggie and light up a match, lighting his stoggie he then threw the still burning match down the hole.

The next thing the little lady heard was a very loud explosion and then a blood curdling scream and as she ran to the door she saw hubby rolling around in the grass trying to get himself unlit , and then he laid still, with only a few whiffs of smoke still sifting up from his motionless body.

Needless to say, she was on her way to the hospital once again, this time he had third degree burns of a different sort. But still, even if she wasn’t nearby at the time of the explosion, well just the same it all happened by her hands once again. All because she loved him and was a very submissive wife.