The Joke Is On You

I believe my Grandpa used to tell this story. It was about a sheep, a male sheep, or otherwise known as a Buck/Ram, I believe he especially was called a Ram, for a very good reason as you will see as I go on.

The story goes something like this. A neighbor had a flock of sheep, in that flock was an old Ram, the owner had trained him to charge (ram) from the time he was a little lamb chop. You see the whole little game was to trick the lamb into charging, and then send him flying head over heels. He now was no longer a lamb, he was a full grown bald-headed daddy sheep.

It was a very funny peculiar sight to watch one of these fights. What was peculiar was how the fight happened and with whom. My understanding is that the fight went something like this. My grandpa's neighbor would get down on all fours in the middle of the barn yard and begin to paw dirt up over his back with one of his hand and making a deep 'baa'ing sound. Well, making this charging stance would always get the old Rams attention and it would make him mad, after all he was the head sheep around here.

It never ever took very long before the ram would hear or notice him, and without delay he would come a charging at his opposition who had challenged him. As the ram got with in striking distance the old neighbor would duck his head down to the ground, just in time so the ram couldn't stop and every time the old ram would go head over heel across the yard. And every time he would get up shake himself off and go back to whatever he was doing before the fight began. But always, you could tell by his actions and the look on his face that he was saying to himself, “Some day, mister, some day, just you wait and see. I will get you back ” But Mr. Neighbor was so proud of his record, in all of these years he had never lost a fight. Everytime it went off without a hitch.

Then one day in late fall, maybe around Thanksgiving an old friend of the neighbor came by to visit. He had been gone for many years and had come home for Thanksgiving, and had just dropped in, as the custom was back then. It happens that as they were 'chewing the fat', Mr. Neighbor asked, “ Have you ever seen our fighting ram?”

“No,” was the reply, “what does this ram fight with, another sheep, a dog or what?”

“Me,” said Mr. Neighbor, “come on out to the field and I will give you a demonstration, as to what my old ram can do, or not.”

So after coffee and cake, the two families took the team and wagon and headed out to the field. In the fall of the year the farmers always had their livestock out grazing on the stubble fields. After getting out there, everyone lined up along the fence to watch the show. Oh my, and what a show it was going to be.

Mr. Neighbor crawled through the fence, and as he had done so many times before, got down on all fours and started his game. Got into a charging stance and started throwing dirt over his back, and made that gruff 'baa'ing noise down in his throat. Getting the rams attention was easy. The ram turned, lowered his head and charged without even thinking twice about it. He got within striking distance, Mr. Neighbor ducked his head as he had done so many times before, but this time Mr. Neighbor, jabbed a straw up his nose, something he had never done before. Mr. Neighbor threw his head back up, this too was something he had never done before, and never before had Mr. Sheep's head ever met Mr. Neighbor's head either, so you might say that they were now going to meet head-to-head for the first time ever. As was said before, THE JOKE IS ON YOU MISTER Neighbor. He who laughs last, laughs the longest.

I think you can only imagine the rest of the story for there is really no words to describe it, how embarrassed he must have been with all of the spectators looking on. All I know is that I would not have wanted to be him at that very moment. I believe for the next few days you might say he was a real Mr. Sorehead.

The Submissive Wife

I’m not sure where this story came from but I heard it as a boy and I have never forgotten it. It’s a story told about a man who needed to fix the roof on his house. It needed new shakes.

Now his house had a very steep roof, a man could in no way just stand up on this roof, he would need some assistance of some kind. He put it off as long as he could, but the little lady kept after him, finally one day early in the morning he decided to fix it, and have it ready for winter, while at the same time pleasing the little woman.

He decided that his assistant would be his trusty old lariat and the bumper of the old Model T
Car. With a couple twirls of the rope he proceeded to throw the rope easily over the peak of the house, tying the end still in his hands to the bumper of the car. Then climbing to the peak of his house he tied the other end around his waist. Now he was safe and secure.

Then, with shake in one hand and hammer and nail in the other he began his days work. He was so pleased with himself, for by the noon hour, he was almost finished the near side of the roof, after lunch he would have to move the old car back over into the driveway so he could then do the far side next to the bush. As he was coming down for lunch he noticed that he was almost out of nails. But then, hunger over took him as he smelled the wonderful food cooking indoors, he forgot all about more nails. He headed straight to wash up and then straight to the table, he was a hungering.

Not remembering again until he had gotten back up on the roof and had secured himself and started nailing away once again and then he remembered, "Man I need more nails." Not wanting to climb all the way down again, he moved over the roof to the chimney and cupping his hands together, he yelled down the chimney. “Dear, could you run down to the hardware store and grab another couple pounds of 3/4 inch coated nails for me, I want to get this done today and it sure would save me a lot of time if you could do that for me."

The little lady, being the submissive wife that she was, said, “Sure honey, I’ll go as soon as I finish the dishes!" Five minutes later as she was leaving to get the nails, she hollered up at him, “I’ll be back as quick as I can dear." With that she jumped into the old Model T.

As she started the noisy old car up, she never heard her startled husbands' cry as she drove away. As he crested the peak of the house he gave one last desperate yell, but to no avail. He was dragged kicking and screaming all the way to the edge. Then before she shifted gears into second gear he managed to jump or lung off over the edge by the help of the rope and the car, which was now picking up speed. Well, he managed to land on his feet and managed to stay on them for a little way, but his wife now gaining momentum, he lost his footing and down he went, as he was pulled down the driveway kicking and screaming all the way.

The little lady, with her mind set on the task at hand and the urgency of it was not looking back. Therefore never saw hubby lose his feet and that he had started to be a real drag at this point. About four blocks along her way she happened to look into her rear view mirror and couldn’t believe her eyes, what was her husband doing, being a tag along, then she realized he had no other choice.

Quickly stopping she ran back to where her husband lay badly browsed and bleeding with a number of broken bones and many lacerations on his face and body, not to say anything about major road burn. She untied him and helped him into the back seat of the model T, she then drove him to the hospital, where he would spend the next two weeks.

While he was in there, she had to finish the roof, also she had remembered what he had said about getting the house painted on the inside and out before winter as well. So she decided to surprise him and get that all done while he was away. So she set to work, for the next week and a half she was like a busy little beaver, painting all day long, cleaning the brushes out and then dumping the clean up down the outhouse hole. This went on day after day. It was oil base paint I might add. She had done a wonderful job and she was very proud of herself. She had it all done with a couple days to spare so that the fumes would be all gone by the time her hubby got home from the hospital.

On the day she left to go and get her husband, the fumes were almost gone, the house and yard were in great shape and everything was set. Oh, he would be so pleased with her. She was right, he was so happy, he loved her so much, there would be new rule in their house from this day forward, he said, "From now on there will be no more smoking in the house, we want to keep it smelling nice and new as long as we can."

So that evening after he was settled back in his room, and was ready for night, he went out to make a pit stop before going to bed, and to have his evening fix. Entering the outhouse, he parked on the throne as he had always done, pulled out a stoggie and light up a match, lighting his stoggie he then threw the still burning match down the hole.

The next thing the little lady heard was a very loud explosion and then a blood curdling scream and as she ran to the door she saw hubby rolling around in the grass trying to get himself unlit , and then he laid still, with only a few whiffs of smoke still sifting up from his motionless body.

Needless to say, she was on her way to the hospital once again, this time he had third degree burns of a different sort. But still, even if she wasn’t nearby at the time of the explosion, well just the same it all happened by her hands once again. All because she loved him and was a very submissive wife.

A Muddy Day At The Corral

It was Spring, only it was miserably wet and cold, the corrals where a mucky mess and they only got worse as the day got longer. We were tired and the cows were getting very miserable and did not want to cooperate.

When we worked in the corrals doing cattle we each had our job to do, that we were to do during that day like it or not. Mom was the secretary, as we needled the cows, read their tag number, screamed out the number above the bawl of the herd.. and then Mom, believing that she heard us right would then write it down in a record book .

The place where she sat, was always nice and dry, but not always warm. In the little barn we had set up right close to the head chute where we would catch the cows so that we could do work on them. In the end of the barn was a window with a lid, which could be flipped up for such a time as this.
Chucks job was to read the tag numbers, take off the horns, put the tag in if the animal didn't have one or had lost it, and do all of the heads up stuff.

My job was pushing the critters up the shut and playing around twisting tails and causing a distractions while Chuck done his thing at the other end. You might say I got the tail end of the deal. Many times I got my feet stepped on and sprayed with water mixed with a lot of other brown looking stuff. (POOOOOp) One time in the spring I remember getting the brownish green stuff directly from the source. I had ran up behind her and kicked her in the bottom, I should of known better, that sure did get her going. If you know what I mean? Well she got going alright. With a long juicy squirt of poop right down the front of my unsnapped western shirt. You got it, it ran right down my bare belly, and you can imagine where else Yuk!!


The girls and Bubby would make sure the chutes were kept full. They were younger and always done what they could to help out. They were not very old, but even at their young age they could put in a pretty good day.



Dad always gave a hand where ever he was needed. Those years he was fighting cancer and it was tough on him and he couldn't do as much as he once had, but he was always there for us. He was our guide and teacher, he made sure we were taught so that we would know how to work so we could look after ourselves when he was gone. He never stopped pulling his load of the work and always joined in with our fits of laughter when ever they happened to start.


Well, like I had said earlier, things were getting pretty muddy around the old corral, and the old cows were getting tired of being pushed around. So things were getting a little tense. As Chuck let another old cow out, I pushed an old black Angus brute up the chute to the head squeeze, and with a rattle and a shake of the head gate, a clatter and a bang she was caught. “There you old cure”, I said, “that’s as far as you go for now.” As I gave her another big kick just for good measure.

Now it was Chucks turn, he could start his doctoring the old gal. But she would have none of it, she through her head this away, she through her head that away, she through her head up, she through her head down. But as I said, she was going no where special at the time. A couple of times she and my brother almost met heads, and once or twice she almost throw him off his feet.


Now back in those days Chuck had a bit of a temper as did I, so watch out anybody or anything that was close by because there would be fur flying if you no what I’m a get-en at if anything got in our way. I was right there a watching close being yanked back and forth as I tried my distraction tactics, on the tail- end. I held onto that old poopy tail for dear life just a twisting and a shouting, not sure I was doing any good though. But what next? The old girl wend down on her knees and started to pray, and my brother by this time was every thing but......... Praying-that is.


I need to stop and let you know that the owner of the cattle we were doctoring was helping out as well, and watching all of the commotion. As this hole episode unfolded his eyes got bigger and bigger with anticipation as to what would happen next.


All of a sudden Chuck lost it and with a big swing of his foot and a scream that would of curdled milk, he kicked the old bag (cow) right squarely in the side of the head. As his big boot met her face a large piece of mud mixed with all of that poop and what have you, fleeewwwwww off of the toe of his boot and went spiraling to wards that open barn window where our mother was setting keeping books.
Just as the mud was passing through the open window, mother opened her mouth to yell something to Chuck, but you know what none of us are sure to this day what it was she was going to say. Because it was about that time that the spiraling clump of mud and all of it’s added ingredient entered mothers mouth . Well you have never seen anything so funny in all of you live long days. There was a spitting and a sputtering going on like you have never seen before. While she was spitting and sputtering, the rest of us got into one of those laughing spells, that is all of us, but the owner of the cow. He was as serious faces as can be, for a long time but when he seen no one else had stopped laughing, he to caught the bug and we all had another belly jiggling laugh. Including mom, she laughed too once she got the mud spit out all over the little barn walls. Let me tell you, that was one year we didn’t have to chink any cracks in that barn.


But the owner could not believe that mom wasn’t mad, and there was no cursing or swearing going on at all, just a lot of laughing. He said, “ I have never seen such a family as this before. In most families this would have caused a big fight. But not you guys, you just laugh. Well none of us likely thought at the time as to why that was, but I know now it was because we loved each other and Jesus God’s own Son was very present in our home. So I know it was God who should have gotten the glory that day. It was because of the love of Jesus, that is why we are like we are.


I know it was almost dark when we finished that day and as we sat around in the little line shack that evening eating supper, the talk would very often go back to the not mud in the eye episode but to the mud in the mouth and we would all burst out laughing again.


We as a family had fun at what ever we done, whether it was work or play, mind you there wasn’t much play so we just played while we worked. It was a lot of fun. There are many a story I could tell that relates to the corral at the Neeley Lake Co-operative pasture. Maybe as this book goes on you may just hear a few more.

The Barrel Jump

I was born when I was very young, and from that day on and before dad was the manager of a Cooperative Community Pasture, running about 1200 head of cattle every summer. The Neeley Lake Coop Pasture was where I got my cowboy training on the job. So because of that I started riding at a very young age. We had to ride every day in the pasture, checking the cattle for sickness and checking fences and so on.

I remember riding with my mom the most, and with dad when he was able. Dad was sick lots those days and so never rode as much as he once did. I had two brothers and four sisters, I remember riding a lot with them as well. My oldest sister was away from home already so I only knew her by her married name and from going to visit at their place. My oldest brother and I rode and did the most things together, more than I did with the girls. But even when my youngest brother came along I even got to ride with him a bit.

Well, I told you all of this to tell you that it was from these experiences together that these following stories derive from. After riding so many miles together and experiencing many adventures together, I figure a fellow should have just a few stories to tell. So the first one is one that I will call...............

THE BARREL JUMP

We were members of a 4-H club and we trained our horses to do different activities in our spare fun time. One of those activities was teaching them to jump over things. One of the things we had them jumping was two 45 gallon drums sitting on the end with a pole across between them. On this particular day my eldest brother Chuck was riding his horse Chub and I was riding old Shorty, Meachy was riding Dusty, Charlie was riding Skip, Marbles was riding Rudy and Bubby was riding on Socks.

We were all having a ball trying to get our horses to jump over all of the different obstacle's we had set up. All of the horses were doing really good on all of the jumps, except for mine, every time I came to the barrel jump he would, instead of jumping it, dodge it and would almost dump me off on my head. This had happened a number of times and I was getting very frustrated with him, finally Chuck said, "Get off the old brute and let me see what I can do with him." After all big brothers could do anything, so he would make him jump it.

So I got off and he got on, and was going to attempt to have Shorty jump over the barrels this time and not around them. Now you have to get the picture here a bit before I go on, my older brother is eight years older than me, he is taller and has longer legs, he is in his twenties and I am not quite a teen yet. Get the picture - long legs, short stirrups. Well, needless to say he didn't take the time to lengthen the stirrups, there he was perched up on Shorty like a jockey, ready for the half mile open and was about to make him jump close to a four foot jump.

Chuck rode out a little ways, back from the barrels and turned his mount around and charged full speed towards the barrel jump. He was fully expecting Shorty to dodge around the jump as he had done with me so many time before. So Chuck now poised and ready was he for the steed to bolt when to his surprise he did not, instead he arose to the challenge and jumped that pole that was in front of him, but Chuck even jumped higher than Shorty did, for as Shorty lunged over the pole, Chuck arose from the saddle and went as high as his little short stirrups would let him go and then came down head first over the head of his mount, Chuck landed and rolled first and then Shorty landed a second later, missing Chuck as he went rolling across the ground out of harms way, away from the pounding hooves of the steed he was riding. You had to be there to see how funny it looked, he was like a large frog being hurled through the air.

I don't think I had ever seen dad laugh so hard, well he laughed so hard that he sat down on the ground and just hooted and hollered and the rest of us joined in. No man or animal was hurt in this altercation, just Chucks pride was hurt a little, but proud of the fact that he did get the old horse to make a successful jump in the end.

I don't remember if I personally ever got that horse to jump over that jump again or not, but I can only imagine that I did because we didn't hardly ever stop trying until we succeeded in what we had started out attempting to do. I also know that I taught a lot more of our horses to jump and had a lot of fun doing it.

A Day In the Life Of A Handyman

The morning actually went pretty good, finished up the tub surround in the trailer I was working at, repaired the step and then started on the toilet and the shower it's self. That's when everything fell apart and nothing worked out, so at the end of the day I had the toilet fixed, I think, and the plumbing all taken apart, ready to start putting the new shower fittings in, but that will have to wait until Monday morning, then it will be a new day and the start of a new week. It will all go better then, I'm sure. But today was a very long day.

I can hardly wait until Wednesday, we are taking a few days off and going to visit our grandchildren in Albert, oh yeah, our daugher and son-in-law live there too, I guess we will visit with them too. lol, I am looking forward to seeing all of them, and to a change of pace and hopefully a little bit of a rest.

Our reno's here at home have slowed to a snails pace, another couple of evenings and I should have the first half of the baseboards on. Then to cut and fit the last half, then a second coat of paint and finally the last and final fitting with touch up painting to make the project complete. Maybe by the end of June we will be almost back to normal around our house.

Anyhow it has been an interesting day.
Hey, invite a friend to church and just see what might happen. I did and he has now been there two Sundays in a row. "Our God is an awesome God." Come on now sing it. I can just hear you now, you have it stuck in your head and you will be singing for the next couple of days.

KO by a Friend

May 31, 2009

I came over a hill along the road and walking along the side of the road was a man. He was carrying two hockey sticks and a backpack. He was hoping for a ride, so as I often do when I am traveling alone I stopped, and pick him up as I have done with many other young men over the years. It wasn't long before I found that this young fellow was hurting from the paths he had chosen in his life. He had been KO by a friend at a nightclub the night before, in a town where they had been playing a floor hockey tournament, so because of that fight he'd had enough and decided to walk home. This was the plan the Lord had in mind for him that day. So Him and I would have a chance to meet.

Sunday morning and I am on my way to a nearby town to preach that bright sunny Sunday morning. God knew I would still make it to the Church in time, even if I did stop to help this young man along the way. I found that he wanted to talk and ask questions about life. He said, "I am at a fork in the road and I have to make a choice, either I go the way of my ancestors or I go God's way."

His question basically was this, how can I be Scottish (or what ever race/nation you want to put in there) and Christian at the same time? If I follow God, will I have to give up who I am as a person? My answer was absolutely not, you may have to let go of some of the things you do, and your friends will likely change some what, but God only wants you to be able to find out who you truly are. He wants to make you better, and stronger as a person. God has a plan for your life, it is our job to walk in it. This begins by having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

He struggled with life and all of the obstacles his enemy the devil places in his path. How do I say no to the devil? Just pray, when you know he is tempting you, pray harder. The devil can't stand it when we ask Jesus to come into our situation, for he cannot stand to be in the presence of Jesus. Then Jesus will give us the strength to say no, because as a child of the King you have access to the throne of God.

My question to this young man and to you, are you at a cross roads in your life? Then pray, read God's word and seek Him, and He will help you chose the right path for your life. He will never leave you nor forsake you, He will always be by your side. All you need to do is reach out to Him.

Lord, Forgive Me When I Whine

My daughter wrote about being thankful for the freedom she has here in Canada, but also the freedom she has to make good choices that will help others and ourselves. As I read her blog, it reminded me of the above title. So below is the article that follows it. With personal thoughts of mine inserted.

Today, upon the bus I saw a lovely girl with golden hair, I envied her, she seemed so happy. When she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle. She had one leg, and used a crutch. But as she passed, she smiled. Oh, my God, forgive me when I whine. I have two legs. The world is mine.

{Lord, I want to thank you, that I can still go for walks with my wife, and with my grandchildren romp and play. Oh yes, and I still can put in a full days work and get a full days pay. Yes, Lord with this author I must say, Please forgive me when I whine. For indeed the world is mine.}

I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm. I talked with him. He seemed so glad. As I left, he said to me: "I thank you. You have been so kind. It's nice to talk with folk like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind." Oh, God, forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes. The world is mine.

{Lord, I want to thank you for my two good eyes. Your beauty to behold. The scenery that I have seen through out the years, has taken my breath away at times and those memories I have forever more. I have the privilege of seeing the smiles on children's faces as they play, oh to see that joy is really something to behold. Yes, Lord please forgive me when I whine. For I know that the world is mine.}

Later, while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue. He stood and watched the others play. I stopped a moment, then I said, "Why don't you join the others, Dear?" He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he couldn't hear. Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two ears. The world is mine.

{Lord, I want to thank you for two good ears. For each day that I awake, I can hear the birds singing in the trees or hear the honking of the geese over head. To hear the wind in the trees and to hear the water lap upon the shore. To hear the children's laughter as the play with me, and hear them say, "Grandpa, will you come and play?" Lord, forgive me when I whine. The world is mine.}

With feet to take me where I want to go, with eyes to see the sunset glow, with ears to hear what I would know .... Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I'm blessed indeed. The world is mine.

{With my feet to take me, my eyes to guide me, and my ears to listen with, I have much to be thankful for. Lord thank you for your many blessing, and forgive me when I whine. I am blessed indeed and the world is mine. All I have to do is step forward and receive it.}

All of the inserts are written by Peter C. Salmond